Thursday, October 1, 2015

ESPN: Writing Wrongs

Dear Readers,

So much has happened since I last left you.  Within those two years, I've been finally been able to make progressive steps toward my divorce (which will be finalized in November, thank you!), and I had a few birthdays come and go.

For a while, things were really looking like they were coming up Kendra.  I'd applied to a few really great writing jobs, with excellent social mobility, and I just knew I was going to get hired.

I was going to find out by my birthday in late September, so until then, I was claiming those jobs (one in particular) as if it was my own.

You have to understand, I grew up in a Christian household where we were taught that "life and death is in the power of the tongue."  So, whatever you say, you will receive.  But we were also taught that "faith without works is dead," so I didn't just rest on my laurels.  I studied, and made sure that the materials I submitted were ah-mazing.  For months I went through them, checking them to make sure that they were not just suitable for this particular company, but would be something that would make them say:  "YES!  LET'S HIRE HER, AND MOVE HER TO OUR LOCATION!"

I.  Was.  Encouraged!

Even after one of my main writing jobs let me know that due to budget cuts they couldn't renew my contract, I felt fine because:  "I know I got this job!"

Then... I found out that I didn't get the job.

Within a week, I felt I was at a loss, because... "What just happened in my life?!"

For years I was moving toward my goals, and then everything just seemed to crumble in a matter of emails.  I felt lost, and extremely embarrassed, because whenever people asked me about my future plans, I would announce waiting to hear back from my "promised" job.

It was never in a means of wanting to brag, but it was in the vein of:  "put what you want out into the universe and it'll come back to you."

But nothing came back.

I began reassessing my life, and trying to figure out what went wrong, and was my ambition just camouflaged delusion?

Writing was the only thing that felt completely natural to me.  It's more natural than breathing, and now I was in a position where I questioned everything.

But that's where ESPN came in.

After four years of holding on to my baby weight, I've finally started making some steps to get it off of me.  For a few months I've been consistently working out, and I just added an extra 30 minutes of treadmill time so my weight loss won't stagnant.  But, I needed something to keep my mind off of my huffing and puffing.  Though the music was encouraging, my eyes needed something to look at besides the treadmill's timer.  So, I started watching ESPN.

There's something strangely comforting, but non-committal about ESPN, that allowed me to zone out of my work out, and zone in on the sports.

I've never played sports before, and a lot of my life was predicated on the finality of either succeeding, or failing.  But, ESPN introduced me to the idea that no matter how late in the game it is, you can always turn things around.  From last minute catches in baseball, to Reggie Miller's amazing 8 points in nine seconds play in 1995, I learned that though things might not look as bright as they did, it doesn't mean that it's the end.

There's always plays, catches, saves, and points to make, and it's not over until the final bell rings.  I still have time, even if things didn't turn out the way I expected them to, it doesn't mean that it's all over.  I'm still in the game, and you are too.

Stay Encouraged.  

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