Monday, October 14, 2013

Three Lefts to Go Right

Dear Bloggers,

There are times when thinking about America's history can sometimes freak me out.  When you boil down our history to the essence, it's essentially a land that was built on the blood, betrayal, and tears of so many innocent people.  It's unfair to think that the strong survived, because they did so with such tyrannical methods, but these horrendous acts are what make up the genesis of the United States.

The reason why this can sometimes concern me, especially on this day, Columbus Day, is that my mind constantly goes back to the saying that "history repeats itself."  As time has progressed I know that there have been laws, treaties, conventions and doctrines to try to prevent the past genocides from happening again.  The United States has built itself up where we're not afforded the luxury of  such poor decisions, but has built itself up to be a stronger, more prosperous union.

Though no one is perfect, and disappointments will inevitably come, history doesn't necessarily have to repeat itself.  But, my concern that people can so blindly go along the grain to avoid persecution, while inflicting pain on the innocent still holds firm, and is what essentially what caused me to go in a different direction than I expected.

My life has changed so drastically since my last personal post.  I've never been one to be ashamed of whatever direction my life has went down, but I'll admit that it was hard, initially, to realize that the last time I wrote I was very much married and in love.

As true as those feelings were, the feelings you begin to feel as a union is beginning to wind down are very much true as well.

As open of a person as I am, I'm not too keen on discussing things when they're happening, and I found myself trying to find peace, encouragement, and solace on my own.  I ventured to go the easy way, going with the grain, to avoid the verbal assault from those who question the actions and behaviors of single mothers.

My daughter, in all of her adorableness, was ever present to the journey.  Not really knowing what to say, or really knowing what was going on, she was able to be a compass for me.  Allowing me to see a direction that I should go down that I was initially too afraid to.

While assessing if I was able to do everything on my own, I realized that I was in a situation that was no longer about me.  It was my child.  I wasn't afforded the luxury of just sitting back and blindly following with the way that I felt I was supposed to go, because my daughter would essentially be the victim of a history that was slowly being replaced with hurt, anger and pain.  I didn't want that to continue to be her present, and then go on to be her future.

So, I left.  Leaving the pain of a love that once was, to venture to the unsure future that is "single motherhood," I have to be honest, I'm happy with my decision.  I have been able to rebuild my life in a way that would allow me to be a stronger, prosperous person; and even though the history of my life has been founded upon horrendous acts, the laws, treaties and doctrines that I have set up for myself has proved invaluable.  I know that history has a tendency to repeat itself, but at the same time, having my daughter doesn't allow that luxury, and neither does my happiness.  

Stay Encouraged, and enjoy your Columbus Day

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