Friday, May 29, 2009

My Last Chance, to Lose You

Dear Bloggers,

As optimistic as I am, there are times when I have no choice but to be realistic. Like the time I was training for a triathlon. As much running and biking I was doing, it wouldn’t matter, because I can’t swim. Granted, my body looked SICK while training, but if I couldn’t swim, I couldn’t participate.

The same thing is applicable for relationships. The person you’re with could be extremely nice, attractive, but if you do not have chemistry, or that chemistry has left, sometimes you need to cut your losses.

Now the problem comes in when you TRY to leave, but the person refuses. I was watching “Snapped” yesterday, and on one episode a man tried to break up with his girlfriend, but she kept on appearing butt naked in his house. You know, it’s kinda hard to break up with someone you keep on sleeping with, but maybe that’s just me. Another episode showed a man trying to divorce his wife, but she drug him back in with lies of having cancer, shaving her head, and offering to pay for his prostitutes. You know, it’s kinda hard to break up with someone when they’re financing your prostitute addiction. Sometimes, you wonder, why won’t you just let me go?!

But in the same instance, why won’t we just leave? For some people, leaving is a lot harder; due to mental or emotional abuse in a relationship, but what about the rest us?

One day in group [therapy] I came in upset. My ex, who was that extra shove into my eating disorder, contacted me. Now, it wouldn’t have been that much of an issue, if I didn’t tell him before that I no longer wanted to communicate with him. (Me: “I think we should cut all ties of communication.” Him: “Okay, I understand.”) Apparently, he didn’t understand, because he was contacting me AGAIN!!

We ended up talking on the phone, and it was a very pleasant phone conversation, but I was still uncomfortable talking with him. He made comments about meeting up and going to dinner, and all I could think was: “Do you REALLY think I’ll feel comfortable EATING in front of you?! After EVERYTHING?! REALLY???!!!!” But, I just became quiet and did something that I heard of guys doing. I just stopped calling and answering the phone.

But, alas, I’m a person with a heart, and sent him a message apologizing for being so rude and abrupt with cutting him off. I explained that I felt uncomfortable and the important people in my life who knew about his destructive force backed me on my decision. So, for those reason, I had to cut communication ties again.

I thought that that would be the end. But NO!! It OPENED the doors for communication AGAIN!!! I sat there while I read his message back to me asking if I had finally received a cell phone so we could talk again, and I immediately felt as if I emotionally just participated in that triathlon. I just felt exhausted and sunk into my chair, feeling like no matter what I tried to do, he was going to keep on coming back. Until… I got a STROKE of genius!!!

Yesterday’s blog I addressed an ex who constantly kept tabs on me, but didn’t want me asking him any questions. Well, this was the same ex. I decided that I had to “play this like a grown girl ought to” and SCARE HIM AWAY!! I sent him a Facebook message describing the things I’ve said before, with how uncomfortable talking to him made me and how my feelings of insecurity would come back. Then, dear readers, I just let out a STREAM of QUESTIONS!! Most of those questions didn’t even MAKE SENSE!! I asked him why me? Why was he re-contacting me? Did he contact any of his other ex girlfriends? Yada, question, yada.

Did I care about the answers to these random questions? NO!! All I knew was, he HATED being asked questions, and the more questions I asked him, the better!! To be completely honest, I had to stop myself from asking the obscure questions I wanted (What’s the meaning to life? If a tree falls in the woods…? Where do babies come from?) because I knew he would have caught on.

But oh, in that moment, I wasn’t just “Jordan, fourth quarter in ’92,” I was also Pippen, Armstrong, Rodman, AND Phil Jackson!! I was the WHOLE freakin’ team!!

I laughed hysterically when I checked my messages the next day and saw I got a message from him. “I think we need to cut all ties of communication.”

Yeah, fool, I think so too!!


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