Monday, May 25, 2009

Infatuation Fatigues

Dear Bloggers,

HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY!! While you wake up this morning, start your bar-b-que, go to parades, and visit the grave sites of the amazingly brave men and women who fight for our country, please remember to celebrate AMERICA!! But, don’t discount yourself too much, you’re just as brave, and just because you don’t have your own pair of fatigues with your last name embroidered on them doesn’t mean you haven’t fought your own share of battles.

This week’s discussions will be on relationships. Getting into them, falling in love (which I’ve never done before, but I’m still optimistic), the double standards, and finally getting out. Not to sound like an R&B song, but for those who have good relationships, please make sure you cherish the person you’re with, you don’t realize how lucky you truly are.

For me, I have a small aversion to relationships. It started years ago when someone close to my family molested me. Now, please, don’t feel sad, I’m 23 years old, and I’ve had 18 years to deal with it. It took some time (kept it a secret from certain people for years), but I’m fine now. However, this incident in my past has shaped how I deal with men.

I have NO problem being friends with the opposite sex. As a matter of fact, when I meet a guy, I don’t think of our potential romantic union, I think: “HEY!! A NEW FRIEND!!” The problem comes in when the guy shows interest in me that immediately makes my guards go up, and makes me wonder about his intentions. Is this a joke? Are you going to hurt me? Will I have to go to more therapy because of this? Am I prepared to accept the ramifications when this will eventually end? Is it normal that you like romantic comedies?!

Then to make matters worse, if it’s someone I really like, I can’t talk to him. It’s as if he’s an eclipse, and I can’t look in his direction. In fact, I can’t even acknowledge him, it’s better if he doesn’t even exist. It takes me around a year and a half to finally acknowledge him, and sometimes, the opportunity for the relationship has past. But, for those men who were willing to stick it out that year and a half ignoring basis, he earns a stripe on his fatigue. Good patience, soldier!!

But, here’s my main issue, I’m a little commitment phobic, so I don’t date for YEARS. Honestly, people, I LOVE being single!! There’s no one hounding me about where I’m going, who I’m with. No one to veto my outfit, or have me to ask permission to talk on the phone. No petty arguments…. Hmmmm… let me marinate on that fact for a minute…. No. Petty. Arguments…. Yeah… that’s nice….

It’s just me, hanging out with my friends, just loving life. But every now and then, I do enter into a relationship union, but not until all my baggage is gone. For some reason, call me considerate, but I can’t date someone if I’m still struggling with something else, I find that it’s not fair to my counterpart. Too bad that’s not the norm in relationships, but I tend to earn my stripes on my uniforms by dealing with my exes’ baggage.

Well, while I’ve become a Lieutenant in the relationship’s army, I couldn’t have moved up in ranking if it wasn’t for all the battles I fought. So, to you, cadet, soldier, MP, retiree, reservist, even if a relationship has left you feeling like an amputee, doesn’t mean that you can’t recover. Those battles scars are reminders to a past filled with amazing up, and hurtful downs. However, take those scars as learning lessons. You got one for going too fast? Slow down next time. No matter what it is, those bruises will subside, and those scars can be landmarks for what you want to change for the next time.

Unless you avoid the draft by becoming a priest, nun, eunuch, or monk, you’re going to be in the war anyway. So, why not have fun discussing it, am I right?! You BET I am!!


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