Thursday, May 28, 2009

Like a Boy... and a Girl

Dear Bloggers,

Beyond the kissing, hugging,… intimate fondling in a relationship, there’s the underlining issue of control. For some reason, with many couples there is a power struggle. It’s not bad enough that you deal with power struggles in school (trying to one up that Marx-quoting-know-it-all-punk that sits right next to you), at your job (shiesty coworkers), or just walking around outside (conniving women and insecure men trying to bring you down), but you have to deal with it in relationships as well.

You come home from a negative, competitive atmosphere, and you expect to be greeted at the door with a kiss, the remote control, and no worries. However, you’re greeted with double standards and bogus expectations. Now, I’m not saying that this is true for ALL relationships (like I’ve said before, there are some good, and GENUINE relationships), just addressing those double standards that comes in SOME relationships.

Now fellas, have you ever found yourself running late to meet your woman at a restaurant, and you find her sitting at the bar? You try to go to her but she’s surrounded by at least two men, buying her drinks, and she’s flying her head back while she over exaggerates her laugh, and gives the men coy touches on their arms? But, when you get your table and the waitress comes, you find her attractive and end up doing a double look at her, your girl’s ready to set the restaurant on fire and ring the alarm?

Women, have you ever dated someone who wanted to know EVERYTHING about you? Wanted you to give him a schedule about anytime you did ANYTHING? From seeing your friends, to going to toilet? But the MOMENT you ask him ANYHING, he immediately flies off the handle yelling things like: “STOP NAGGING ME?!” (“Ummm… fool, I just wanted to know if you wanted to meet for dinner tonight or not….”)

Things like this are other reasons that makes me shy away from relationships. These two above examples are things that have happened to a guy friend of mine, and me. What is up with the double standards, people?!

I had a boyfriend who wanted to break up with me because he found someone better for him, but instead of just SAYING that, he used the excuse of: “Well, I don’t like the fact that your best friend is a guy.” But, when I reminded him that HIS best friend was a girl, he started stuttering.

But not to seem like a total male basher, so, like always, I’ll put myself on blast. I was dating this guy, and for our first date we were going to my favorite restaurant. When he came to pick me up, he was EXTREMELY agitated. He had a horrible day at work, and really wanted to just head home, but he knew I was looking forward to dinner.

We walked to the bus stop, while I talked a mile a minute about the wonders of the world; he just stared at me like he wanted me to shut up. So, I finally did. We get on the bus, and we’re not talking, when a guy friend of mine taps me on my shoulder. He was an English grad student, and sort of like a mentor for me. The same grad school I was thinking about going to, he went, and at the time I was studying for my GRE. We got engrossed in conversation about favorite authors, dream vacations, and foreign language studies. I kept on trying to invite my ex into the conversation, but he just shook his head and looked out the window.

I realized then my guy was feeling like I was openly flirting in front of him, because as a woman, it’s more acceptable. If he would have done the same thing, he would have been considered a dog, but since I was a woman, I was just considered overly friendly (which I am, and NO I was NOT flirting). I never realized that type of double standard until my guy told me… then to get back at me went to a party and did God-knows-what. Either way, the relationship was established by a double standard, and ended through the frustrations of them.

I think that a lot of relationship issues could be absolved by just being more empathetic. You hear these songs about how would it feel like if a girl acted like a boy, and how some men want women to buy them things and “trade places” with them, so these feelings are unfounded. Everyone can relate to having extremely high expectations brought on them, and feel the pressure of double standards.

But, whatever, I can talk to whoever I want to on the bus now!!


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