Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The Missing Identity

Dear Bloggers,

Is there an advantage to losing your identity to be able to fit into the norm? To be accepted, or to make a persona for yourself that’s more popular? I personally do not see the advantage, because anytime I tried changing myself, I was always shunned. I learned years ago that being myself was the only way that I would be socially accepted.
It seems as though people do not like anything counterfeit. The same way how my father refuses to buy food that is not name brand (“IT’S NOT REAL FOOD!!”), people do not seem to take kindly to a person who has a missing, generic identity. Though this is true, there are many people who go out of their way to lose their identity in lew of trying to create a veneer to impress others, or to behave the way they believe they are portrayed. I once lost a friendship due to this same issue.

For years I was friends with a girl who had an AMAZING personality. Whenever I THINK about her personality, I smile because it brought not only me, but those who were blessed to know her so much joy. Seriously, this girl was GREAT!! The only problem was whenever she dated someone she would change her ENTIRE identity to fit his lifestyle. She dropped any and all individual interests and picked up his, even if his interests were things she has previously claimed she hated.

She once dated a guy from Texas, and EVERY time we drove in her car the radio was on COUNTRY MUSIC, even though two years early she would describe her hatred for country music (which was something that we bonded on). Dating a guy who’s in Rock music, we would go shopping to find her AC/DC shirts. Then, I would have to describe the certain music they, Poison, or Guns N Roses made (I told you, I have a VERY eclectic music taste). Wanna date a gothic boy? She wore nothing but black clothes, large amounts of eyeliner and refused to smile while they dated. She normally hated blue collar comedy, but with her new man decided to get tickets to see Larry the Cable Guy on stage!!

WHERE WAS MY FRIEND?! I would become so disappointed, and I would often find myself praying that she would find a boyfriend that gave her enough confidence to just be herself, the same person that attracted him to her in the first place. I would want to tell her this, but she was such a hothead that there was a possibility that an argument would ensue, and I didn’t want to take that chance. So, I (and anyone else who was associated with her) suffered in silence while we PRAYED that our friend was still alive, somewhere underneath the fa├žade.

It wasn’t until she met someone who did not care for MY personality that things began to change for us. Though he and I never had a full conversation, he made a decision about the person I was, and I would find out that he would later say things to her about me. I remember asking her if she truly believed these things seeing that she knew me for over nine years, while he only knew me for around nine days. She looked confused at me and changed the subject.

I realized that our long running friendship was coming to an end. I saw my friend constantly lose herself to save a relationship, was I willing to do the same? No. That friendship was extremely important to me, and sometimes it makes me sad that I lost it. However, I become extremely overjoyed when I realized that I refused to lose myself.

So to you, dear readers, even if you’re imitating your favorite stars, or the most popular person around, the only person that is worth being is yourself.


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